*IF GANDHI WAS TO BE ALIVE TODAY *
( A satirical take meant not be taken seriously)
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Its Sept 30, 2014. Mahatma Gandhi is sitting at his small ancestral house in Porbandar oiling his spinning wheel when he gets a call from New Delhi. "" Namaskar Bapu-parson you're turning 145. Its a day to celebrate .Could you please come to New Delhi...
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and grace the birthday celebrations day after ?'' Gandhiji agrees and keeps the receiver down.And immediately a worry engulfs him.How do I get to Delhi at such a short notice? Gandhiji being a simple man coundnt afford the sky high flight fares. Let me check IRI he says.He goes to the study room and opens his laptop. Among the 4 websites listed in his bookmarks tab- khadicorporationofindia.nic.in, pgportal.in,irctc.co.in and indiarailinfo.com. He chooses the last one.
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PBR to NDLS he puts and 19263 shows up immediately and seats are still available. But then he suddenly realizes that the terminating station DEE is like a no man's land in the middle of the city. No coolie and no escalators. No prepaid auto stand too he says to himself and decides to explore the chains of IRI. The user friendly chain feature helps him and he decides on a combo of PBR-HWH and Swarna Jayanti Rajdhani. 'The 2 hr buffer will allow me to pay a quick surprise visit to the Ashram(sabarmati) as well' he says and now looks to book the tickets. He asks on IRI if WL 12 would confirm in PBR-HWH and on Rang de Basanti's advice he goes ahead and books. He uses his Ru-pay card of State Bank of Saurashtra and books a CK premium in the Rajdhani.
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5.30 pm Oct 1. Gandhiji settles into his LB of the Rajdhani. And sharp at 5.40 the train departs. " Thats where I stay gentlemen'' points out Gandhi to his co pax as the train pulls into SBI. Soon after the evening snacks consisting of Samosa and Chai are served. He is shocked to see the Alu inside the Samosa missing! Its hollow inside! Angry, Gandhi summons the pantry boy and gives him a dressing down. SORRY Bapu, he says and the ever forgiving Gandhiji forgives him.
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8 pm . The dinner is served. Its hopeless. The roti is as hard as steel, the dal's viscosity is even lower than water's. And its saltless. '' Thoda salt dedo bhai, kaam chalalenge '' pleads Gandhi but the pantry guy doesn't have any salt packets to give. SORRY again Bapu, he says and runs away.
"I led my country to the Dandi march and today my countrymen refuse to give me 10 gms salt'' and he decides to fast for the night.
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7 am, Happy 145th birthday Bapu! The boys come seeking their constitutional rights. TIPS. 150 rs bapu. Bapu hands over a 10 rs note. SORRY Bapu, nothing less than 150.
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7.32 am . New Delhi. The Rajdhani pulls into PF 1 of New Delhi. Gandhiji walks out of the exit and heads to the prepaid auto counter. He finds it deserted and asks the passer by about the closure. Aaj Gandhi Jayanti hai chacha, sab bandh hai. Bahar main road se auto pakdo. Mujhe aaj jaldi jaana hai, aaj Swach Bharat programe hai rajpath par he says and hurries away but not before throwing his chips packet on the road.
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Tired , Gandhi walks to the main road and calls a rickshaw. "Chaar sou bapu Valmiki ashram jane ke liye aur woh wooden stick ke 40 rs alag" Gandhi ji tries to reason the price but get the reply "" premium ka zamana hai bapu, less supply more demand. SORRY you have to pay more"" With no money to pay he lets go the rickshaw and walks to the metro station for a metro ride.
There he's stopped from boarding due to his attire. The dhoti. "SORRY bapu, scanty clothing is against DMRC rules, cant allow you inside the train" declares the guard and sends him away. Dejected, Gandhiji walks all the way to the Ashram and reaches well on time for his birthday celebrations. The Mayor makes a welcome speech, then 37 politicians read their speeches out, then a Kapil Sharma performance on Stage, then another 22 politicians . A Daler Mehndi performance and finally Gandhi ji is called on stage for his speech.
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'' My dear countrymen , thanks for the celebrations. Thanks for the honor, but SORRY. Today I so wish I never returned from South Africa. I never fought for freedom,I could have been happily living in a posh , upmarket Johannesburg locality with my grand children and great grand children. SORRY peepull. I am very SORRY. Thanks for coming and enjoy the rest of the holiday.
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.NOTE: All characters, events, organizations, professions are fictitious and and relation to anything living or dead is pure co incidence.